Sunday, January 27, 2008
Many people come to me and say that I am rich. Am I really rich? Well, let me put things into perspective for the general public...
In teaching, there is no OT pay. In teaching, we earn a miserable sum for the amount of work we do in school then at home. When you compare what we are getting to the outside world, it's not worth the money! It's never worth the money!
As a mathematics person, let me count the cost for you. An average civil servant draws home $3000 or so. Some may be more due to their better grades in school previously. Maximum, I can cap it is about $5000. In having purely tuition for the hours that I am putting in, say 11 hours a day for 5 days (1 hour for lunch supposedly but many a times, it is only 15minutes). On saturdays, I usually put in 8am-5pm, which is 7hours (1 hour for meal). Total, I work 62 hours a week. In 4 weeks, I work 248 hours. If I base my tuition hours based on that, say $40 (which is very low), it would come up to $9920 in cold hard cash!!! $$$$ Kar-ching!
This is how much money I am losing as a civil servant, in the teaching profession! That amounts to about $5000 a month! Am I rich? No way am I rich in financial terms, especially in Singapore. Then why teach?
Here is why I teach: I have been a naughty student. I have been a student who likes sports and girls more than books. I was a boy who disturbed my teachers. I was a boy who slept in class. I was a boy with gangster friend. I did not smoke nor fight (Thank God for His protection, else I might have)! I found that there is meaning to life, much more than all these things. I found a motive to live, to study - Jesus! I am not apologetic about it.
In going through this journey as a christian, I realised it was God's call to go into the teaching world. To spread His love, His good news. To help the younger generation see that they can make meaning to their lives. That what the world tells them may not always be the truth. There is hope for the hopeless. There is grace for the bad. There are chances to suceed if only they try! Many many people, students are lost...! They need to find the reason why they are studying, not condemned by teachers who scold them and whack them when expectations are not met.
Do not get me wrong. Students must be disciplined. Students must also be nurtured and spoken to positively, not out of trying to inflate their ego and flatter them. It is to help them see things about themselves which they are unable to.
When students change and become better, they are the greatest reward to our lives as teachers. When they do well, it is the reward. Not so much that they remember you but when they do, it touches our hearts! It's these things that makes teaching a rich and rewarding career. There will be heartaches. There will be times that students do not see the light but it is ok! We teachers must never lost sight or passion of the richness of life! To God be the glory!
All these quotes comes from my own personal journey with God. It may be used in future for quotes but I hope it is not whereby the author is unknown so I am staking my claims for these quotes 1st. Hahaha.....
Monday, January 21, 2008
In the past 20 years in FCBC, I realised a few things about my heart and about the operations of the church.
In the years that I have been in FCBC, I came to a point to realise that I have been trying to meet expectations. Expectations of leaders who keep telling me that I am not good enough. That I do not measure up to the level of certain things. Then I really started to rebel against such leaders because I do not see grace. I do not see discipleship. All I see from such leaders is condemnation and planting of guilt. I do not blame them because many of them were brought up in church in such a similar manner. Some could grow because of their own walk with God. Many just left the church disappointed, disheartened, disillusioned... I was at such a point. I was simply unable to hear and obey the leaders anymore. My head told me to submit but my heart lacked the emotional capacity to obey even when I wanted. I lacked the capacity to do so.
Many times, I showed rebellion and I did not obey my leader. When I shared my heart, all I met with was that I needed to do this or that. Then when I questioned their roles as leader, they just told me I need God. Since that was so, I felt that there was no need for cell then. Since a cell such as this is only functional, to meet and discuss bible, to sing worship songs and play games... What good was such a cell? To me, I rather not have it and go on my own way to not go church and be with God alone. That was why I mentioned: THIS CHURCH HAS NO LOVE!
I meant what I said for the situation then. That was how I felt about the situation and the leaders that I faced. I was prepared to leave the church then and I issued an ultimatum to God there and then. I told Him if I was to go through life like this in church, I rather no church at all. God heard my prayers and sent me my present leader to guide me in ways of acceptance and taught me how to learn to grow once more. I do not say I did not act up nor was I able to lead. I was just wanting to rest and recuperate from the mess that I was in. He gave me the room to do so and challenged me each step of the way, giving me room to grow and feel loved again.
This was when I learnt to start feeling my heart again and can begin to appreciate church again. This is the true G12 vision. To disciple and journey through the process with your spiritual son/daughter, having the grace and acceptance for your children when they fall yet discipline in love and not through guilt. I felt that when the G12 vision was introduced, I was skeptical about it because if it was running a structure and missing on the heartbeat of discipleship, all will fail once more. It's never about the system but it's always been the heart.
I can only say that in Jiajun's cell, there is now a healthy way of discipleship. That's why there is depth in the cell. Each one is growing because they see the impartation of life. They also feel loved and accepted and are also challenged to grow. Growing not in the sense of trying to meet expectations but to do so because they are really propelled by loving God and love from God.
Logging off now. Will write more on this...
Saturday, January 12, 2008
2008 has started with a bang at the church countdown. Simply one of the best countdowns I have had. Then came the dreaded going back to school syndrome. However, all has been going not too bad so far. I am beginning to enjoy 2008 so far. True that there will be ups & downs but I really feel this year is one that I may enjoy more as compared to last year.
Even as I reflected on last year, there were many things that tested my walk with God. How hard it is to please Him in things that I have to do. In trying not to live up to the expectations of others but His & His alone. It is not to say that I simply do not care about other's expectations but it does not govern my life. There is liberty in God. In reading the letters that the youths in church wrote for me, I can say that some of the things that they mentioned about my life influencing them moved me to tears.
Yes, man do cry. Real man do cry. I do not subscribe to the fact that man who crys are weak. Man who realise when to cry are better equipped emotionally than man who do not. Fighting their own emotions tend to keep them from truly expressing how they feel and eventually, they numb their emotions.
In 2008, I am the form teacher of 2B for this year. Indeed, there are some characters that may be challenging but I can say that I like my class. I enjoy telling them some of my life stories. I do not know if they enjoy it as much though. I have never been able to tell so much of my life stories to any of my classes so far. I sincerely hope these stories will help them understand certain principles in life that I am trying to bring across. I am never a teacher who wants to mark students and thumb them down. I believe in discipline but I also adopt an approach of wanting them to understand my heart for them.
In volleyball CCA, the team has grown and I am satisfied with the number of students I am recieving. The teams are united and I am really happy that one student has indeed made positive changes. I pray that she will always know that life is not about always doing things that she likes. I really hope she feels that she is a part of the volleyball family. As for those who are new in volleyball, training is tough but there is one another. I hope they all stay united in adversity to 'fight' against the opposition.
In church, I am still who I am. A guy who wishes to help impact the lives of youths. Not just in church but in school as well.
In essence, this year has started on a good note. True that I may have many more things to do at work but it would not get me down. With greater years, comes greater responsibilities. I hope those who read my blog will continue to help me write meaningful chapters in my life & hopefully, I can write meaningful chapters in their lives...!
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Thanks to all the blogs i referred to (countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
Adobe Photoshop Elements for supernatural abilities
